Life is a journey. A journey where we meet numerous people and experience numerous situations. How we respond to the people in or around our lives as well as the situations decides how we go ahead with our lives and what we attract to us.
Am sure we all have some people around us at work or in our friends circle or one of our neighbours or even someone in our family who really tweak our strings well. They seem to have perfected the art of pulling our strings to get us in one of those not so joyful states. Well am sure by now some of you have already got a visual of that person in your mind.
Besides the people mentioned above there will be others whom you may not meet daily, but are still going to get on your nerves end. Getting angry and verbal is an option but it is not something we should do. Yes, if the person is someone we interact with daily then one should get the message across in a peaceful and assertive manner. Let them know how you feel about all that is happening or about what has happened.
Now lets look at it from the point of approach to such situations. Often people talk of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the first stage to not let the toxic situation affect us and our peace. However it is not the last step and without completing the process in totality we will still have the toxic situation or thoughts playing out in our subconscious every day. Which in turn will affect our peace, increase our frustration levels, manifest in to an ailment and lots more.
Let us take a very insignificant situation that we may experience. However the frequency of the situation is pretty regular. We all come across people on the road that drive rash or keep honking or suddenly change lanes without any signal and so on. Well these people get us angry which stays within us. Sometimes we shout at them or ask them where they learned to drive like that. These moments of anger does not change the other person. They will go and laugh about it with their friends. However the rage or anger will keep burning within us subconsciously for years to come even though we may not remember the situation as such.
This internal burning multiplies by a 100 times when the person concerned is someone in our close circle may it be a good friend or a loved one or a family member.
We often say we forgive but only forgiveness wont release the anger within. lets look at it step wise.
Forgive - We need to sit and forgive the person. To forgive we need to understand the situation from their point of view or mindset. This helps us better understand why they did that. Once we understand, it is easier to forgive.
Release - This is a vital step. It is like a bridge between two mountains. We need to sit calmly empty our mind, clear our thoughts and release all the rage, anger, disappointment etc we can sense within us with regards to that person and the situation. There are some meditations for this. We would be most happy to guide anyone who is interested in them.
Acceptance - Usually the behaviour of people is a set pattern of their lives unless they start working on connecting within they will follow the same pattern again and again. Hence we keep facing various situations with these people again and again. The situations or the experiences may vary but the negativity or toxicity that harms us will be more or less the same. We need to accept their behaviour without forcing to change them. This seems like a difficult step. However it does not mean that we should continue to allow them to cause us pain or hurt us. We can always move apart or break ties with them. Even if we break ties the process will not be complete till we accept them as they are or the way they are behaving. When we can accept them for who they are without getting affected or wanting to change them, we will feel a calm within even when they are around.
If you wish to bring a change do not try to change the person but work on visualizing and meditating on the change in the relationship you share with that person. This will bring out a positive change in them without you even having to debate with them over it.
Every night before we go to sleep we could sit quietly or lie down close our eyes and try to recollect every situation from the time we woke up till now that has pushed our buttons. Start forgiving and releasing them one by one. Once you finish releasing everything then repeat - I accept those around me for who they are. I accept and understand their behaviour. After that you could meditate or visualize the change you believe in and then go to sleep.
Regularly following the above steps will not only stop the regular increase of baggage that we collect but will gradually get rid of all our old baggage's too.
To err is human,
To forgive is superhuman,
To accept is being human.