Friday, 24 November 2017

Demystifying the Rubik's cube of relationships

Today I found myself assisting a wonderful human being through some dilemmas of the mind and heart. It is something that is faced by most of us through our journey called life. While assisting this human being I felt the urge to try to put my thoughts together and so here we are. 

Relationships a word that makes quite a few sigh with relief or grief. Thanks to the external chaos and conditioning it has become this barren land that is saturated with mines and we need to take our every step ever so cautiously. Well if this is how we approach a relationship then it is bound to blow up in our face today, tomorrow or years later.

Every interaction we have in our daily life is a relationship. May it be the visit to our regular bakery or grocery shop or the cab driver,  our acquaintances, friends, relatives, siblings, parents or our life companion. These are all relationships that we form and work with on a daily basis. We may physically express our love in  the different relationships differently but the emotion love would remain the same for all. Yes it may have variations of proportion or scale for eg - I wouldn't open a joint bank account with the man I buy vegetables from, which I would do with a sibling, parent or companion.

Those who have not read our previous article on the emotion love could read that here before going ahead -
Love - The emotion

First of all Relationships aren't a Rubik's cube nor a maze. It is the constant conditioning and chaos that makes it all so chaotic and confusing. Once we get rid of all the layers, the path revealed is just a straight road. Some relationships we are born in to like our parents or siblings, some we are forced in to like our colleagues at work or arranged marriages, some we choose to network ourselves, some hound us for their gains, some we just happen to meet, some just happen and so on. In all these there are two individuals who could be extremely opposite in their thoughts, understanding, growth, emotions and also things they have been through or are going through. Each of us responds or acts in correlation with all these factors. There is no good or bad, it is just different ways of perceiving things.

To be able to have a genuine, true relationship with anyone we first need to set right the most important relationship. The relationship with our own  selves. Many journey from birth to death without knowing who they are within. They just live with the conditioning and external facade set for them since birth, then they carry it forward as their identity and add or subtract few masks along the way. We need to dive deep inside and find what lies within. Once we do that we need to cultivate love within us. If we can not love our selves completely and genuinely we will never be able to love anyone else ever. Yes we may put up a wonderful act of loving others but it would be just as artificial and toxic as plastic. When we cultivate the love within we will begin to radiate with it. Those around will feel it, they will feel the warmth, comfort, calm and peace you bring. That doesn't mean they will agree with whatever you say or do whatever you want. They will just know deep within that you are genuine. 

It is totally okay for people to not agree or accept our thoughts. It is totally okay for them to talk behind our back or stop talking with us or spread rumours. It is totally okay for others to connect with us when they falter and stop keeping in touch once they are up and moving. 

All the above sentences have got nothing to do with the other human being but with our own selves. We expect them to agree with us, we expect them to be true, we expect them to reciprocate. So as long as the expectation remains it is a trade not a relationship. I eat biryani and in return the cashier expects cash - well that is a trade. Stop trading with emotions. We do something because we are what we are and not because of how others will respond or reciprocate. 

Radiate with love and that is all that you will know. That does not mean keep suppressing yourself,  tolerate ill treatment or let the spark within go dim or get extinguished. If any of this is happening then start by having a dialogue in person not over digital mess (texts), if things do not change or improve with that then just move away. We all need our space. That does not mean you have to stop loving them. You are just changing how much or how you interact with them not the love. Maintain your identity, be you, if you don't no one else will. 

Usually we end up changing the emotion when things go sour or get painful. Love gets replaced by hate, anger, resentment etc. Now lets see how this works out. When we only know love we radiate with love and are at peace. When hate, anger, resentment etc waltz's in we radiate with that. It festers within us. It does not affect the other person who may be responsible for these emotions, it affects only us. It messes with our complete life. We loose our peace, then we try to find solace by releasing or forgiving them. But it still leaves some thorns within that fester subconsciously. The only way out is to sit quietly by yourself and genuinely give love and wish good for all of them. Do this for a few weeks or months till you feel the change. The change will be all around you. It will be like an oasis that springs out of no where in  a barren desert. Then the spring of love will just keep flowing through you. It won't matter how others had or have or will respond but do you know the magic of reaching this stage.  The magic is once you reach here none of this will ever happen. Negativity will start moving away from you and so will people that harbour it. Yes they will still exist and continue spewing venom but they can not affect you as they won't be able to come close enough to do so.

Relationships just are,
We need to just be love,
The rest will get figured out on it's own.




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